Dear Kuya,

I know you're probably wondering why i'm writing you this letter. We were never close or anything, unlike other siblings. We always fight about ANYTHING. But i duno.. i guess it's just in us to disagree with each other. All these years i was never really able to show you that i love you. You're the only sibling i have, and it's sad that we don't even get along. When we grow up, we'll only have each other to depend on, or when something happens to mama, it'll just be you and i who will have to take care of her. But we can't even have a decent conversation. it's sad. But even though we always argue, even though i always end up ruining your day by being that b*tch you always call me, i love you. i still love you for all the stuff that you do to me and for me. you're my brother, and i don't care if at times, you tell me that you wish i wasn't your sister. i don't care if there were times when you made me cry. Honestly, i cry because even if im so mad at you, i don't wana fight back. i can't. i don't wana hurt your feelings too. im sorry if we never got the chance to get to know each other. even if i grew up with you in the same house, even if we have the same blood, you're the person that always remained a mystery to me. i'm sorry if i kept so many secrets from you, and i guess that's why you also kept secrets from me. i'm sorry you had to find out about you-know-who the wrong way, and because of that, mama doesn't trust me so much anymore. i'm sorry if i always criticize all the things you do, trying to make you perfect, trying to sound as if i were perfect. i'm sorry.
I know i won't be able to mention all the things i'm sorry for, but i hope you forgive me for everything i've done to hurt you. I'm a sucky sister, i know, you said it yourself. but that's how i am, and i hope you love me despite being a sucky sister.
sorry if i wasn't able to tell you this before. it's only now when i'm about to die that i get to tell you all these things. even though i wasn't able to show it, i love you kuya. please don't forget that. i've always loved you, but i guess i just wasn't able to show it to you because i'm scared of the way you would react. i'm scared that you wouldn't love me back.
anyways...
please tell everyone that i love them, and i'm sorry. mama, for being an annoying daughter who always complains about her curfew, papa, for being another b*tch to him, yaya, for always losing my temper because of her forgetful-ness... my barkada, you know them, they always come over to the house. tell them i'm sorry if ever my teasing went too far, or if ever i wasn't there when they needed me. everybody else in the san juan and reyes side... and job, please tell him i'm sorry if ever i pissed him off or if i wasn't able to make him happy. please tell him i love him so much and i'm gonna miss him.
by the time you read this, i'll already be gone, but please don't forget all the things i told you. i love you kuya.

paula